Don't beat your wife!

Artist Wahit Tuna installed 440 pairs of black women’s shoes on the wall of a house in one of Istanbul’s busiest streets, Meclis-i Mebusan Street. This is done in memory of the number of women killed by men in Turkey in 2018

Recently, someone shared a meme about men raising a hand to their wife. As usual, there were Muslims who were quick to qualify their understanding of verse 4:34 with some amazing verbal callisthenics.

Here are some examples:

"It's when the wife is really rebellious and is doing things that can harm her or affect her in bad ways."

"Or if she's fighting and attacking her husband he can surely fight back in self-defence."

"For clarification, he isn't supposed to torture her. The Qur'an asks the husband to beat her lightly to intimidate her and not to harm her any further."

"If he beats her to scare her and to assert dominance he is not a true Muslim because he doesn't follow the Qur'an and it's teachings"

And here is the traditional translation that necessitated these "explanations":

4:34 (part) "As for those females from whom you fear desertion, then you shall advise them, and abandon them in the bedchamber, and then beat them."

This causes all sorts of attempts to justify the beating (as seen above) and/or mitigate the amount of force applied.

It results in numerous conjectures and assumptions as to how strong the beating can be (some say "lightly", some say "spank"[!]), with what instrument (cane? cloth? some even suggested a miswak) should be used.

It's unnecessarily overly complicated and open to abuse. VERY open to abuse, especially in patriarchal societies.

Surely this isn't what Allah intended, because He says Ummiyi (people who do not know the scripture) depend on conjecture (2:78). Furthermore, punishments mentioned in the Qur'an come with their quantum so there is no guesswork (100 lashes for adultery, for example).

Furthermore, whenever marital relations and divorce is described in the Qur'an, God says "be together in fairness (bi-ma'aruf), or separate with kindness (bi-ihsani)" (2:229, 2:231, 4:19, 65;6). Surely this already precludes any kind of physical harm, and translations that say "beat her" are clearly contradictory.

So let us check out a different translation

In the word-for-word translation of وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ the root letters can have two meanings.

1 - set forth (separate) 2 - strike

In the Qur'an, both meanings are used in different contexts, and you'll find them all in the Quranic corpus.

Now consider the application of the first meaning in the translation of the verse, because God says we are supposed to take the best meaning from speech (39:18).

4:34 (part) "As for those females from whom you fear desertion, then you shall advise them, and abandon them in the bedchamber, then separate from them."

In the translation using this meaning of وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ ,

• Avoid the aforementioned conjectures and subsequent verbal callisthenics.

• Is consistent with exhortations to live in fairness (2:229, 2:231, 65:6).

• This flow of events is also more logical, as it suggests a growing separation between the husband and wife.

• To me, this is the clarity and simplicity that God speaks of regarding the Qur'an in 22:16. It's also consistent with the Qur'an's assertion that it is sufficient guidance.

• There is no need to make excuses or make assumptions about how hard the beating can be. This translation is CLEAR and not open to interpretation and/or abuse.

Advise them, if that fails, sleep on the couch, then if even THAT fails, leave them.

NO BEATING WHATSOEVER.

Note: for a more in-depth discussion of this verse, please visit http://www.quran434.com/

2025 Update with generative AI

Investigating وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ in 4:34 – A Qur’anic and Linguistic Analysis

1. The Verse (4:34) and Context

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ فَٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتُ قَٰنِتَٰتٌ حَٰفِظَٰتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ وَٱلَّٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا

Key Focus:

The word وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ (wa-ḍribūhunna) is usually translated as “strike them.” However, given the Qur’an’s philosophy of justice, mercy, and harmony, this interpretation raises serious contradictions.

So let’s analyze it linguistically and contextually.

2. The Root: ض-ر-ب (Ḍ-R-B)

The verb ضَرَبَ (ḍaraba) has multiple meanings in Arabic. Here are some Qur’anic usages:

Usage	Example in Qur’an	Meaning
To strike physically	8:12 فَاضْرِبُوا۟ فَوْقَ ٱلْأَعْنَاقِ "Strike above the necks."	Physical strike in war
To set forth an example	14:24 ضَرَبَ ٱللَّهُ مَثَلًۭا "Allah sets forth an example."	Metaphor, analogy
To separate, part, distance	18:11 فَضَرَبْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاذَانِهِمْ "So We covered their ears (separated them from hearing)."	Blocking, distancing
To travel, leave, move away	4:101 إِذَا ضَرَبْتُمْ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ "When you travel in the land."	Movement, departure
To seal, imprint	36:8 فَضُرِبَ بَيْنَهُم بِسُورٍۢ "A barrier was placed between them."	Separation, division

Key Insight:

✔ Ḍaraba does NOT always mean to hit. It is a multifaceted word that can mean:

1. To set forth something (examples, analogies).

2. To distance or separate from something.

3. To move away or leave.

4. To physically strike, but only in certain contexts (e.g., battle).

   
   

3. What Does It Mean in 4:34?

Now, applying this knowledge:

1. Does it mean “strike” in 4:34?

   • No clear Qur’anic justification supports physical harm as a solution to marital issues.

   • Other verses advocate kindness (4:19, 30:21) and peaceful separation (4:128, 2:229).

   • Hitting contradicts 2:231: "Do not take them back to harm them."

     
     

2. A More Cohesive Meaning: Separation or Withdrawal

   • وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ could mean withdraw from them or create space.

   • This fits the sequence in 4:34:

     • First: Admonish (فَعِظُوهُنَّ – fa‘iðūhunna) → Advise, communicate

     • Second: Distance in bed (ٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ – uhjurūhunna) → Give space

     • Third: وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ → (Separate, distance, move away from them further if the issue remains unresolved)

       
       

3. Is There Qur’anic Support for This Meaning?

   • 4:35 follows up with mediation, implying reconciliation, not violence.

   • 65:1-2 speaks of divorce with fairness and respect.

   • Shu‘ayb tells his people (11:88): "I do not want to oppose you; I only want reform as much as I can." → The Qur’an’s philosophy promotes reconciliation, not force.

4. The Qur’anic Spirit of Justice and Mercy

✔ The Qur’an never commands harming one’s spouse.

✔ Ḍaraba in 4:34 is more consistent with "separate" or "create space" than "hit."

✔ The Qur’an promotes mutual respect (30:21), consultation (2:233), and peaceful resolution (4:35).

Thus, the traditional interpretation of ḍaraba as “beat” in 4:34 is inconsistent with Qur’anic ethics.

Final Meaning of وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ in 4:34:

💡 "And separate from them"

This maintains the Qur’an’s holistic message of justice, balance, and reconciliation.